Day 24 - A walk around the Bedok Reservoir

Last evening was well spent with Naseeruddin Shah and Rajat Kapoor in their element, in the play - "A Walk in the woods". Love theater...dad's genes pull! 

Micky and I woke up this morning and went to explore the Bedok reservoir. We loved the serene environment. I wondered if I could do the whole stretch around the reservoir. It appeared huge and I am no walker! 

It felt good to take on the challenge though I was skeptical of my own stamina. Micky appeared amused and kept walking with me. 

We came to a stretch where a tree was shedding leaves. A lone hermit, amidst the lush green vegetation! The leaves made a beautiful sight.

Further down, we heard a twitter of what sounded like a hundred birds. As we approached closer to the sound, we realised that the birds were actually caged!

I have never been able to understand this part of Singapore. The owners sit around the birds and chat. There are competitions held on which bird can sing the loudest. How can they make THAT out? Weird. Very weird!

Another unfathomable sight.....

Whenever I see men sitting this calm, and fishing, I get reminded of the men in the hills, who squat for hours at end staring into the abyss. I just don't get it! Looks peaceful though! This man sat there patiently, waiting for the fish to bite! Hope he had some luck.

Some more sights and sounds later, we managed to complete the stretch, around the entire reservoir. What more, I still had the strength to go to Mustafa! Pretty pleasing an achievement! I feel happy that I can take on more physical challenges now. I still walk ultra carefully down uneven paths and get reminded of my year long bed rest and fractures! But it feels good to be able to do regular things with the apprehension being pushed down a little more with each passing day. 

Health is a vital ingredient for happiness.

Day 23 - Of dreams, hopes and shadows

Years ago, I was scaffolding a unit of inquiry with my students in Year 3 on workplaces. We all sat in a circle and shared our dreams about what we wanted to do when we grow up.
As each child opened up his/her heart, the dreams became bigger and answers left the traditional boundaries.

When it was my turn, I piped up "When I grow up I want to become a photographer!". A sudden silence and stillness descended upon the class. I had little curious eyes boring into me.... and one of my students asked "But Ms Atima, you're already a grown up!" I had lost my age in the discussion! I quickly revived myself (the pang of disappointment was strong when I realised that I had indeed grown up!) and talked about my love for photography. After a discussion we all came to the conclusion that though I am grown up (technically), I could pursue photography as my dream. A month ago, I did my first course in photography. This morning I saw a beautiful photograph taken by the very student who had reminded me that I was a grown-up! She has taken to the camera and has an eye for photography. God bless! I wish she enjoys and builds her passion. Happiness indeed. This brought back so many memories to life, particularly of the discussion that day.

One of my students said that he wanted to become a butcher, so that he could eat the best meat all the time. Clear priorities. I loved it!

Another one said, "I want to become a CEO." Someone asked him.... "CEO of what?".
"Nothing. Just a CEO. That is what my dad is and I will become a CEO when I become old. Then I will get a Big Chair." 

This did not fit in our discussion - partly because everyone else seemed to have an understanding of different types of workplaces but more importantly because others were able to dream independently and talk about what they liked, or wanted to do. No one seemed to be in the shadows of parents or teacher, which I took pride in.... till our friend here decided to stick to his CEO and chair dream!

The next day, I shared this with his mum. She laughed and said that the dining table had a huge chair as the father was a large man and had a chair for himself. Whenever this child went on to sit on this chair, the father would ask him to get off. When the child asked why he couldn't sit on the chair the dad said that it was meant only for CEO's and that he would get it one day, when he grows up and becomes a CEO. That had stuck in so deep that the child had become obsessed by it. The mum said that they were planning to get in a chair for him.

I was amused and bemused. This child was so much in awe of his father (which was not a bad thing) that he was starting to lose his own persona. When I mentioned this to the mum, she welled up. Then on, it became our combined mission to explore things that this one could get interested in and build his passion for. We tried Art, Music, Soccer, reading, writing... nothing worked. The mum finally got him to explore Go Carting. That was it. This child took to it so well, that within a year he was selected by one of the Formula 1 Sponsors for training. The change was incredible. Where we struggled to get him to do half a page of writing, he started asking for homework that he could do during his months of training. I have his newspaper clipping safely tucked away in my happy memories and my happiness file!

I love my students.

Day 22 - Beat the blues!

The day started with a busy morning and I spent a happy time with the older children, busy in their projects.
A few discordant notes turned the bright start into a heavy mid-day and I tried to busy myself with work.
TG 'twas Friday! I couldn't wait to go home. Each moment seemed to drag and I felt heavy...
...till I met my sunshine student! He is 3 and 1/2 and welcomes me with the widest grins and a warm hug at all times. I have never ever seen him not smiling and I wish that he remains blessed with this happiness.
One of our very tall teachers and I stood at the gate seeing the children off when Mr Sunshine walked up with a Badminton racket almost one and a half times his size. His older sister 6 and a half was also with him and both were obviously going to a Badminton session. So our teacher said,  "You're going for Badminton, are you? I'm sure you could beat me easy!"
Mr Sunshine, looked in all seriousness at the six feet five teacher; skepticism played in his eyes as he thought for a while. He had obviously made up his mind that he couldn't possibly beat the teacher. He shook his head with his ready smile.
"No?" asked the teacher again.... "Ok, but I am sure you'd be able to beat your sister, eh?"
Mr Sunshine turned to look at his sister, then turned back towards us for confirmation, gave us a brisk nod with confidence, turned back to face his sister, raised his racket and lunged forward......... to beat her up! The sister looked confused for a second but thankfully had the reflexes of a six year old and ran for her life.
The teacher and I looked at each other in sheer surprise, till we realised that Mr Sunshine had taken our word literally and was ready to thrash his sister as his teachers had asked him to!
I stopped him and explained that, that was not what we meant. Confusion reigned in his eyes for a moment as he weighed the conflicting instructions. Trust eventually took over and he decided to follow the last instruction given to him.
Children teach us the most fascinating lessons of life!

• Take words at their face-value. Not everything needs to be analysed to death!
• Listen to those you trust.
• Spread the sunshine smile. You never know whose day it brightens up!

Happy rules for life!

Day 21- Coffee, tea and me!

Day 21- Internal Audit time!
The day started with a big meeting and ended with another big one... with some other meetings interspersed in between!
What is it with adults and meetings? I'd love to discuss things efficiently like children do.. over the canteen food (am sure it makes school canteen food more palatable!), over a game of soccer or 'throw the hat', over the teacher's lectures, in the bus lines and best of all.... in the toilets!!! All major discussion happen in these areas and what more, children do come up with absolutely solid conclusions or plan of actions from here! Seriously!
Anyway, back to the meetings...
So I had this internal audit conducted on my department. I despise audits. Don't know anyone who loves them! The audit meant to last for two hours went on to four. A frenzied teacher left an equally frenzied student in my office to regain her sense of balance and peace in the classroom. Incomplete projects worried me and unnecessary ones piled on! The to-do list extended the double sided A-3 sheet. And then came the final grit on the icing....
A prospective parent said that his child's current school teacher said that international school children were unruly and had no academic rigour and he wondered if it was true! (Why pray are you even bothering to look at  the international schools then?) What was he expecting me to say?
It made sense to lose the plot.......... and I was toying with the idea of writing a response to this prospective client, exactly as my heart said it........
....Suddenly in walked a teacher, with a cup of Starbucks in her hand. I looked at it wistfully and then readied myself to solve a situation. Teachers usually visit me when there is a situation that needs sorting out or to share students' work samples. A Starbucks cup couldn't have been a sample so it had to be a situation! Or so I thought!
Turned out that the Starbucks cuppa was for me, ordered by another teacher and ferried by this one to help me tide over the day. It was the Soy Milk Chai Tea Latte......my favourite cuppa on rainy days!
I was happily stupefied! Someone actually bothered to think of me, remembered my favourite order, ordered and bought the order and sent it over to me and someone ferried it for me. How generous?! These are folks that I pile work on,  throw surprise visits on and ask for the heaven and the moon along with a sprinkling of few stars of.......
....... and they bring me a Starbucks! No transactions, no favours, just a happy gesture!
Gratitude reigns and makes me happy.

Day 20 - Curiosity and wonderings

Children are absolutely amazing!
The day was spent with a bunch of 11 years old children, working with them on their projects. They were busy working on their projects and getting ready for their exhibition. I decided to act my role and chew their brains on their projects.
I started with a child, who is usually on his teachers' radars due to his behaviour issues, but someone I bond with really well. I grilled him for over fifteen minutes with questions and he stood the heat beautifully! He was happy to answer the questions and the more I asked, the more he enjoyed the process. I finally let go my serious face and smiled. It was immediately mirrored in a beautiful, innocent smile full of pride and happiness at having successfully connected with his teacher. We teachers are indeed privileged to have such beautiful relationships with children.
As I moved on to the next child, this one called me back and asked if I could give him some feedback on how to improve! When I was offering my suggestions to him, I noticed the others giving me an interested look and soon I had three others asking me for feedback. They debated my suggestions, incorporated ones that they liked, and discarded some that they didn't agree with! (We teachers need to keep up our self-esteem at such times! :))
How amazing are these children? And why do we lose this ability as adults? We defend our work, seldom open it up for critiquing and then take the suggestions to heart instead of using them constructively.
Happiness is working with these children and gaining fresh perspectives in life each day.
The curious questions of the six years olds... "Are we a natural or a man-made resource?"............followed by the wondering ........"Or perhaps we are a woman-made resource!" tickled the heart and the head. Children's curiosity is beyond the adult spectrum and happiness is getting a peek  of this sparkly, delightful area of their thinking.

Day 19 - Singing in rain!

Day 19 has been beautiful. Went to meet a phenomenal friend, a breast cancer survivor with incredible will power and inspiring joie di vivre. Met her over a cup of tea with fresh mint, lemongrass and a hint of basil, served in a perfect transparent cup, served from a delicate transparent kettle...... just the way I like it! We chatted in her breezy balcony and shared parenting and cooking tips! Delightful!
As I was talking to her, I consolidated one of my mantras for parenting as well as teaching. Don't make every moment a 'teachable' moment for children but do treat each moment like a 'learnable' moment for them. Teaching can go awry and be met with glazed eyes and staccato listening! But if you don't interrupt and 'rescue' the children from situations, they are forced to experience and learn from situations. Happy to have arrived to another conclusion in my pedagogical journey!
After we finished chatting, I stepped out of her house. It was raining. I happily declined her offer of rescuing me with an umbrella and walked out in the rain. I enjoyed the feel of the rain and the freedom from the umbrella!
Happiness is simple! :)

Day 18 - Friends and Relationships

A beautiful day at work.....
 First, a colleague insists that I put the productive team meeting under the Happiness Project and her arguments are pretty sound. I like her thinking. Collaborative planning meetings, that work, give a sense of fulfillment in the professional capacity which readily transfers into the personal space. Definitely a cause to be happy!
Then, I get this whatsapp message from a colleague who I helped with some shopping and settling in......... "Thank you for being a part of my world now. You rock!"  It makes me happy to have helped someone and to have made a new friend.
Then the surprise invite by Sangeeta for the Gran Plan throws me completely off-balance! I am honoured, privileged, touched and very happy that she wants Micky and me to be a part of the movie screening. She even wishes for Neetima to be there! I take a screen shot of her message and send it to Neetima who promptly responds with her own message for her! Bless.
It makes me happy to think that Sangeeta thinks of Neetima separately as a person with her own identity; and that Neetima accords Sangeeta utmost respect and doesn't take her for granted and is interested in her work as well as her interactions. Love it!
Before I pack off for the night, I wait for Micky to return from his office dinner. A friend starts a whatsapp conversation and I get transported back to my twenties. The evening is spent reminiscing the journey, the struggles, the unexpected crests and troughs and the ultimate win!
It is always difficult to see struggle as something positive when one is right in the middle of it. Yet, the relationships forged, cemented during these struggles stay on as trophies....  once you get over the bitter taste of it all. The relationships I developed as a result of those times are priceless and are a big factor contributing towards my happiness.

Day 17 - Wander and Wonder

After years of persuading Micky, we finally managed to do the Macritchie walk this morning.

I have this new-found love for walking, which I dread mentioning, as I have never been able to sustain it before. But then I was never able to sustain blogging before, either! This gives me hope. :)

I have never been the exercising kinds, but I can dance for hours endlessly. This morning I felt the same high after having walked around the reservoir simply listening to sounds of the forest, the ripples in the water and the drones of the dragonflies. The trail was beautiful and I felt rested and at peace as I walked. 

Micky after his initial, habitual phone calls couldn't help being drawn to the zen scene and ultimately we both sat down to just watch the rays of the Sun sparkling and jumping in water. It was beautiful and magical. 

                                               Couldn't resist taking a selfie for Neetima! 

The scenic trail...

Serenity

We saw a few Buddhist monks meditating close to water. It made perfect sense. What better place to achieve a state of zen?

Happy calmness is certainly my state of mind today! Can't wait to get back here and have been thinking of friends who would love to be here. 

Day 16 - Pleasure or Happiness?

The day was spent reading beautiful poems, TED talk transcripts and my favourite E.E.Doc Smith D'Alembert Science fiction series. A relaxed weekend made even better with sizzling pakoras in the morning rains, followed by a simple pahari lunch and a Korean bbq for dinner- it was a day of pleasures indeed! Ordinarily I would have called it happiness but a quick TED talk from Matthieu Ricard brought things into perspective. What I define as happiness may be just a simple day of pleasures but do pleasures lead to happiness? 

I don't know. 

This kept playing in my head the whole day, till I saw a facebook update from a close friend. A quick whatsapp chat and an evening full of memories and thoughts brought some things into perspective. 

I am happy not because I am eating good food but that I am eating with family and friends.

I am happy not because I have shopped and been places, but because I do this with my friends and family.

I am happy that I listen to music and share it with my friends.

I am happy that I read and share it with my family. 

I am happy that I have my family and friends with me........... physically or not, I have them always connected. 

Happiness...........I need to understand it better.

Day 15- The joy of giving

My date bailed big time on me today! I had cancelled my Girls' day out 2 (sequel!) to go on a date with Micky, but, he needed to get back to work, on the one holiday he had planned with me... the disappointment was huge and I needed to walk it off, with some retail therapy at that!
So off I went........ to spend the vouchers that Neetima was given on her 16th birthday- she is 18 now! Malls in Singapore tend to shut down rather quickly but this one had made two years and I wasn't going to test my luck any further.

Since the Zen mode is still on, I decided to invest in something that I knew would get used at home, which is a challenge in a shopping mall. Seriously, there is so much stuff we don't need! Anyway, I managed to spend the vouchers, walked to my favourite Toast Box for a cup of tea, walked around doing the touristy stuff, looked at people, trinkets, patterns all around (have been meaning to do a photography project on that!), enjoyed looking at the ex-convicts' run colourful, musical rickshaws, hungrily looked at the delicious smelling pork knuckle in Brotzeit- debated ordering it but didn't as it was too big to be savoured alone, missed my foodie friends, and walked agenda-less to where my feet took me. Loved it!

I found an almond-milk choco bar in Jason's Marketplace and couldn't resist buying it. Haven't had a choco bar in 15 years! I wanted to savour every lick, so rushed to get a cab.

The cab ride, after almost four hours of non-stop walking was a treat to the feet. I could suddenly hear very faint sounds of Buddhist chants and looked around to see if we were crossing a Chinese temple, till I realised that the chants were actually playing in the cab. I asked the cabbie to increase the volume.

He promptly increased the air-conditioner temperature! We hear what we feel is being said many times. This was certainly one of those.

So I repeated "No, the air con is fine. I want to hear the music, the chant. Can you make the volume higher?" The cabbie was obviously pleasantly surprised. The two of us happily listened to the chants till we reached. I paid him the fare and thanked him for the music when he took out the cd and asked me if I wanted it. His gesture was so spontaneous and so heartfelt! I didn't want to impose so I asked if I could take a picture of the cover so that I could buy it. He was happy to share the name with me and said that I could get it anywhere in a cd shop.

Grateful to have met such a generous soul.......... happy at my luck and the learning.

Day 14- Music, Market, Memories

Years ago, I worked with a music teacher, fresh off the boat! He was a kid with amazement and wonder in his eyes, a 'me, myself and I' attitude and his basic degree in music. Children loved him, parents did too......... old teachers couldn't understand his wonder, new teachers couldn't understand his enthusiasm.. it would pale theirs... and soon he stopped fitting in. He and I came together for one project and it was the first time he had ever danced on stage. He couldn't get over the experience! He wanted to do more of it, so we came together again for three more projects and soon we developed a lovely relationship where he shared every music project with me and I taught him how to dance. I became his teacher-mentor and advised him on his lesson plans and teaching practices. He, in turn, shared his passion for music with me. He left the school soon and after a teaching stint went back to learning. He went to Africa to sing and dance with the tribes, he got a scholarship to go to Colombia to learn music, he learnt salsa and even completed a dissertation on Indian music and its influence on Western music....and sent me his research paper!
I spent the morning reading his dissertation, of which I couldn't understand more than half! What amazed me was his effort towards understanding of Indian music and the depth of his research. It was a humbling experience. He knew that I would not understand much of his research but had faith that I would read it. I was touched.

I have had a day of interesting reads. I read my friend's Market report. He too knows that I have limited understanding.... but his skill in playing with words makes it an interesting read. Again.... touched that he chose to send it to me.

A long walk through the local markets felt invigorating. It feels good to be alone in the crowd. Allows me to soak in the experience at my pace without feeling the need to maintain conversation or social graces. I can stare, ignore, pause, walk away, show interest or not...........at my pace. Absolutely love an agenda-less, unplanned walk!

Micky and I finally met for dinner at a Japanese Shabu Shabu restaurant. Ended up in a place called Honeymoon Desserts (ugh!) and almost ordered frog testicle skin in milk for dessert! YIKES!!!!!! Thank God for Google and the sense to use it before ordering! We finally ate some sago in coconut cream - safe, boring but a palatable idea.

Read a beautiful poem on facebook which capped the day.

जीवन कितना भी बड़ा हो बायोडाटा छोटे ही अच्छे माने जाते हैं

http://kabaadkhaana.blogspot.in/2009/03/blog-post_746.html

Ready for bed after a contented day. 

Day 13 - Girls day out and a Heart break

So the day started with a simple plan of girls day out.... and what followed was pure madness. The three of us- Shenaz, Niru and I shopped, tried clothes, perfumes, accessories, ate, shopped again, took selfies and unashamedly laughed out in seemingly sombre shopping malls. Haven't had such a mad day in ages! That certainly contributed to the happiness factor for the day....

A call from my little one though, broke my heart at night. She had had five injections on one day for her immunisations before her hospital placements and they were hurting her at night. She was obviously in pain and cried her heart out for the first time. It was 2:00 am for her in Melbourne and she couldn't sleep because both her arms and shoulders hurt. I talked her through her first bout of pain. Then called her again in a while and Micky and I talked to her. Micky's basic medical knowledge is always comforting and practical. We managed to get her to a drowsy state, then set up our alarms for four am (which would be seven in Mebourne). 

She sounded better in the morning which was good. I managed to catch some sleep off and on as we kept up on whatsapp. 

And then I receive this message from her.... "I listened to Salsa music while getting ready in the morning so that was all good........"

A peaceful feeling settles in... We all have to go through our share of pain but self-awareness can  help the time go easier with conscious positive actions  to make us happy. So happy that Neetima knows this and is able to use it. 

Love her.

Day 12 - The Magic pocket and the invisibility

Teaching young children is the most invigorating profession............... and managing their parents the most demanding one!

In my role, I get the privilege of meeting children from all classes and age groups. From the unreserved affection of three years, to the bright-lit-up pride of six years, to the shy smiles of eight years and the unreserved 'I will respect you if you are cool enough to demand it!' attitude of 11 years old children, I see it all everyday. I love meeting them, talking to them, teaching them and learning from them. Teaching and learning is a passion, a way of life for me.

On one of my rounds to a Kindergarten class, I talked to a group of children about their free drawings. One little one explained me her drawing in detail. It was a princess named Katelyn who was going shopping. I asked her "How would Katelyn go shopping?" The child promptly drew a boat next to her princess. "On a biiiig boat.". I persisted... "Where do you think Katelyn will get the money for shopping from?". I wanted to seize a teachable moment and tread in the lines of how shopping needs money and how we need to work for it, etc.
The little one had a knowing smile and pointed at what looked like a tiny, accidental speck to me. "From here."
The one big thing I have learnt in years of teaching is that one should never assume or interpret children's expressions unless invited. So I looked at the speck deep and hard and said , "Tell me more".
"This is a Magic Pocket. It is full of money. Katelyn just digs in when she needs money. It never gets empty."
The creativity fascinated me. The four year old had so much of the story woven in her drawing.
I dropped my idea of teaching and decided to learn instead. Not every answer at the age of four ... or perhaps even at the age of forty... needs to be set in practicality. Imagination needs to be fueled at all ages and all stages.

We all have our Magic Pockets, which may not give us money but we often dig deep into them for our happiness. Many small and some big pockets... we all have them. Sometimes you draw from them, sometimes you just pat them and feel content in their presence..........
My friends and family make my very deep pockets feel full at all times and it makes me happy.

I couldn't stay on for a longer conversation with this little one. The next morning, I met her mother and asked her if she had seen the picture. The mother hadn't. So I shared my experience with her. The mum asked if we taught children the value of money and where it came from. The concept of Magic Pocket was lost as she didn't even consider it and said that her daughter was fond of drawing and drew many many pictures all the time and that she was so busy that she hardly had time to see them.

I guess her Magic Pocket would remain invisible for the time being!

Days 11 - Zen

Since the last few weeks, ever since Neetima's left, the home looks extra cluttered! I am amazed at the extent of my needs (Micky is a saint!).

I am a hoarder... of memories and teaching materials in particular! Teachers are renowned for hoarding worksheets, ideas, readings, books etc and I am no different. Shelves and shelves are full of books that might come in handy some day when one of my students asks me a question about..... kinda stuff!

Memories.... Neetima's stuff in particular is hoarded in every nook and cranny of our house. Her portfolios are housed in our drawing room, her special cooking stuff in the kitchen, her clothes and make-up in all three bedrooms, her books all around the house (including those in Japanese, Italian, Spanish and German that she has hoarded as she loves languages!).......... As I write this, I realise that this is a happy similarity to my dad.

Neetima was born on January 11th, exactly 17 years after dad died. My family has an unspoken element of belief that this was my dad reincarnate, as he loved me too much to let go. My aunt, bless her soul, was the only outspoken one who mentioned her belief to me every once in a while. Neetima does have many similarities..........her love for food, language, medicine and her gentle calmness, uncomplex view of life and humility are a genetic handover from dad.

As parents we indulged Neetima to the maximum possible without pushing her into the boundaries of 'head in the air and feet ungrounded' zone. I, on the other hand, re-lived my childhood, with and through her...............which means that our house now has plenty of stuff that has been minimally used, in spite of my love for the environment and being a self-proclaimed mini Eco-warrior!
So a few weeks ago, when re- calibrating life after Neetima left for university, I decided to go the zen way. I promised to throw away/ use fully/give away at least one thing each day till I reach the bare minimum required for survival plus some indulgence when I feel like it.
At the moment it seems simple enough!
As I was going through the shelves I found Neetima's school portfolios. And one of my happy moments for the day..................